The Journal

Why I Left the Bay Area

Two years ago this month, my husband and I were preparing to put our little Pleasant Hill home on the market. I lived in the Bay Area for most of my 41 years. I was born and raised in Walnut Creek. I went away for college and adventures and travel, but I always had a home in the Bay. My...

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Things I do to Heal the Pain

This year at any given moment you could have found me on my knees, or in the fetal position, wishing for a different body or a different life. You could have found me in the car, driving, snot-nosed, tears blurring my view of the road, driving aimlessly with nowhere to go. You could have seen me sitting alone in my...

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An Ode to My Womb

At 26 my body is supple and strong. My belly flat, my breasts ripe, my legs trim and long.  I feel more beautiful than ever. I wear the brown pencil skirt snuggling my hips and thighs, and the little yellow spaghetti strapped tank, braless, as if my body will never change. I stand at the side of her hospital bed, hands...

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I don’t want to go back to normal.

On this first day of 2021, I am holding a prayer in my heart. I don’t want to go back to normal Now don’t get me wrong, I want this pandemic to be over. I want Covid and quarantine and this ever-present danger to be done and gone forever. I want my grandma to be safe from this virus, for all the...

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What would church look like if women created it?

When I was a girl I used to go to church. We would gather every Sunday, sit in hard wooden pews, and listen to men in robes tell us how to worship and how to be a good person. I went to church for most of my life—even through college–but at some point I just stopped going. It wasn’t a...

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Something I’ve Noticed

I’ve noticed lately that we’ve been taught that it’s not okay to not be okay. We’ve been taught to push and hustle and show no pain. We’ve been taught to hide the hurt with concealer and blush and a big red smile. But what happens when the world is breaking open and the earth is on fire? What happens when...

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